Monday, February 15, 2010

Day Eight - Really Discouraged

Day 8 HCG
Day 6 VLCD
200.8 lbs
-8.2 lbs

Only a .4 lb loss. Normally, on any other diet, you would expect this kind of loss per week. This is why I can't do other diets I suppose. Having only eaten one meal and an apple yesterday, this is really disappointing and discouraging. It's not that I feel starving. I'm not hungry at all. I just feel deprived. The candy, the chocolate, the succotash (dinner last night); I could have had it all and enjoyed it. I could have enjoyed yesterday but I didn't. Why? Why is food so important to me that I can't enjoy an entire day without excess? Why couldn't I just enjoy a day with my husband and kids at the movies and a visit from a dear friend? Why?!

One thing I know is that I derive some of my self worth from my cooking. If I can feed my family GOOD, I feel good. If people are clambering for one of my recipes, I feel loved. I also like to eat what I cook. So I guess in a distorted sense, good food=love. But I don't think this is the whole answer. I think this diet is harder psychologically than it is physically. I think that's good. That's the whole challenge here. Figuring out why you NEED to eat the things you eat.

I had sort of a balsamic vinegar stir fry with chicken and onions. Not one of the better things I've made. I also had two Melba toasts. On the up side, I found a dog outside this morning. It just so happens that he is a full blood Pembroke Welsh Corgi like my other dogs. It's kept me busy at least, trying to find his owners.

Had some "Karen's Apples" for a snack and tried not to die as I made the family homemade pizza (dough and everything from scratch). I just feel like I need to reiterate that I'm not hungry. I just want to eat.

I decided not to go to Girl Scouts with Charis because they were having a Valentines Party with everything I can't have to eat. I didn't want to put myself through that. Jon went though. I'm feeling pretty miserable right now. If I don't see a major loss tomorrow I'm going to do an apple day. I'll explain tomorrow.

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